Are you miserable?

In my travels last year I found a quirky little book called 11,002 Things To Be Miserable About by Lia and Nick Romeo.  

Evil sorcerers
Being a third wheel
Social obligations
Adolescent eye rolling
Charismatic villains
The file on you that may exist in some government office somewhere
Condescension
Buck teeth
Knowing how uninteresting your thoughts are
The silent machinations of your enemies
Teachers who justify their cruelty by saying they are preparing students for the real world
Men who shave their chests
Pretentious melancholy
Sad people who look like frogs
Visible sneeze particles
Grim librarians
Taking the road not taken and getting eating by a grizzly
Untalented children of celebrities who become famous singers
Weirdly shaped baby heads

Longing, dreaming, wishing.

I often have story ideas floating around in my head. When I say often, I mean constantly. My frustration is that I don't always have the opportunity to get them down on paper.  These ideas usually pop into my mind when I witness something in my day, have a flashback due to a sight or smell, or during a discussion, although many times I have woken through the night with an idea from a dream or something marvellous will burst forth when I'm in the shower.  Have they invented a waterproof notepad yet?  I would love to have the luxury of countless hours to wile away my time creating plots, inventing characters and generally embellishing on my many ideas.  I have note books of point form lists for stories that sit in my drawer.  They remain colourless grey-blue lists when the books are closed but when I open up to any of these ideas they immediately take on a soft, warm, pink hue and beckon me to cast aside my responsibilities and everyday plans (including my job).   Tempting but not realistic.    My ideal environment for writing contains sunshine, a gentle breeze, lavender oil burning, the delightful call of wrens, wagtails, magpies and finches.  Throw in a moo or bah and let the juices flow!  I always dream of coming into money (don't we all).  I know exactly what I would do.  Quit my job, buy myself the perfect house in the most perfect location (pretty much where I am now but with a house that isn't actually falling apart from old age) and spend my days immersed in the world of words.   I think I could spare a day for art.   Alas!   If only I had a wealthy relative or actually spent money on lottery tickets!
I must always remember to look on the bright side of life (yes, go ahead and whistle).
I work part time so that I can write on my days off.
I have a wonderful family encouraging me to continue my studies and to hurry up and get published!
I live in an inspiring location.
I have so many ideas to use that I will never run out.
You know what they say: Keep on keeping on.

Spring Spring Spring

I am thoroughly enjoying spring time at the moment.   Birds are singing, baby animals are frolicking in the grass with their newborn friends and the flowers are displaying all their glory.  Several chicks should hatch from eggs and a baby goat should be bouncing around our legs anytime now.
What more could you ask for?

The mulberries are ripening and Mum and I have been madly picking them before the birds swoop in and eat all the good ones.  You have to be quick and the best way to stay on top is to pick them everyday.  So every afternoon after work we head outside with buckets in hand and pick pick pick.  You may have stained fingers but it's well worth the effort for a mulberry pie at the end of the day.      

We have been enjoying the biggest, sweetest strawberries which we buy from a local strawberry farmer.  Every year we watch in anticipation for the strawberry sign to change from closed to open and when this happens we are there with our money in hand waiting to buy our delicious strawberries.  The strawberry in the middle is the average supermarket size. 

Wisteria blossom has burst forth and sends a gentle fragrance through the open windows of our house.

We have also had quite a bit of rain which fills our paddocks up with water.  I like to think that for periods of time we have"lake views" or that we live in the lakes district.

Ah Correspondence! 2

My Dearest Sister,

So good of you to extend an invitation to a weekend of frivolity at your residence.   I thoroughly enjoyed myself, however I found it a slight inconvenience to myself that your housekeeping staff were absent.  If you so choose to extend an invitation again I would appreciate your help being present as we should enjoy ourselves more so with than without.    One does like to enjoy oneself without the burden of maintaining a home.
I shall regale you with tales from home for a period of time.  Mother is, at present, following the history of the royals which she finds fascinating, however I fear it will eventually become an obsession.  Father has completed his home duties for the evening and continually threatens to retire for the night, much to Mother's disgust.  She bemoans how tiresome it is to have a husband who retires so soon, barely after the supper meal.    They are currently hashing out who will make the most steps toward the other to receive affection.   I believe Mother has won out as Father has had to bend at the waist to give affection to Mother on the chaise which we all know takes great effort.
Before we part via this letter, I would like to invite you and your husband to my manor where we will partake in the evening repast then travel to Baron Von Brenners's chateau for a light supper.    This will be held on Saturday the 2nd of September 2006.   I would dearly love to have you in attendance as an evening bereft of your company is not to be spent in revelry.   Please respond posthaste or I shall have to resort to inviting people I do not care for purely to have the correct numbers at my table.   I await your response eager anticipation.

With much affection,
Your Sister.

What are they thinking?

As I said in a previous post, I love my parents.  However, I wish they would stop doing something that I think is a little dorky and lends itself to old age status.   Whenever they go on holidays they always bring back a souvenir.  Not just any souvenir but one that is, according to them, both decorative and functional.      It's a mug.  Recently they went to New York and brought back not one but two mugs.  Not only did they bring back two mugs but one is giant size.  It's ridiculous.   I am constantly clearing out all the decent size mugs to accommodate these hideous, giant mugs.    They don't just get them from overseas but also from their trips in Australia.  Dad likes to have a good size mug for all the soup he consumes but doesn't take into account the fact that he uses only one mug at a time that can be easily washed between soup meals.   So there are mugs from Egypt, New York, Inverell (a country town in Australia), one P&O mug, one from each of the Holland America cruises they have been on and one from Papua New Guinea just to name a few.   Mother also brought back a mug for each of her daughters.  Luckily they were beautiful and from one of our favourite stores.  

In conclusion, Mum and Dad, please PLEASE stop wasting your money on trashy souvenir mugs.  They will not be considered family heirlooms.  

Oh my!

This post goes out to all the little children out there that I have had the pleasure of knowing and teaching.  This is a response to your questions and comments about life.

• Yes, some people do have big bottoms.
• Just because you are a boy doesn't mean you can't love your pink socks and purple boots.
• No, I am not having a baby.
• Thank you for the drawing of your Daddy after he had a vasectomy.
• Please stop smelling my hair, it's a little creepy.
• Sure you can call yourself Pam from now on but I really think Jonah is a good name and it's the one your Mummy gave you when you were born.  You also really must go home with your Aunty when she picks you up from preschool.  You might have changed your name but you haven't changed families.  
• Thank you for saying I am beautiful and I am your favourite teacher.  You've made my day.
• Please pull your pants back up.
• I really wish you hadn't told me that Mummy and Daddy have a shower together.  It's going to be a little awkward talking to them from now on.
• Shovels are not for throwing, friends! Neither are Tonka trucks!
• I'm not sure that you should be telling me that Mummy's man friend comes over when Daddy's at work.

Killer hair

I think my hair is trying to kill me.   I have spent the last two years growing it out from a short bob and have never had a knot in my life.   It's the hair on the right side of my head that I'm concerned about.   The left side is my friend.   Every morning after I wash it I blow dry it.  The right side gets huge tangles in it and I spend five minutes trying to brush it out.  The strands hold onto each other for dear life.  I think they are trying out different knots because some days they are easier to undo then others.   There aim is to find a solid, never-to-be-undone knot and when I'm not looking they will wrap themselves around my neck and strangle me.  I hear them whispering.   You'll probably find me lying on the bathroom floor with the dryer in one hand and a brush in the other.    It's creepy.   They're probably reading this right now.....

One weird week

A few weeks ago I had one of those weeks where some stuff happened.  If these things had occurred over a period of months then I would have thought nothing of it.  The fact that it all happened in the one week really made me freak out a little.
Firstly one of our cows died when our farm flooded after some heavy rains. Quite unpleasant.   A day or so later while driving along our road we saw something on the side of the road didn't belong there.  

UGH!  Why would anyone leave a pigs head on the side of the road?  We don't even have pigs in the area so they must have been driving back from somewhere and dumped it.  

And to top off what was a bit of a creepy week of animal mutations and the like, my niece opened her Kinder Surprise and out popped a five legged rabbit.

Needless to say I was feeling a little out of sorts.

I have to say it. I LOVE MY FAMILY!

I owe my parents a water tank full of gratitude and probably a lot more.   They have let me move back home.  This has been such a blessing for me as I have been able to work part time so I can finish my writing course.  If I wasn't able to move back home then I would have had to quit my course.  Therefore they are wonderful!    I have a pretty good relationship with my parents.  My mum is a bit of a nutter although my father holds her in check, much to her annoyance at times.  I am told by my siblings that I am my father's "Golden Child".  Completely untrue. My theory is that I have a similar personality to my mother and the interests of my father therefore I get along with more ease than my siblings because they all have similar personalities to my father and interests of my mother.    

I know it's been said before but my sisters are my best friends.  I have one older and one younger and I love them dearly.  My older sister is my second mum, my encouragement and she embraces me unconditionally.   My younger sister is the entertainer, pushes me to try new things and humours me when I mother her.  I'm 32 and she is 27 and I still hold her hand when we cross the road.  She used to try to pull away but I think she has given up and just lets me do it.  I'm not sure what her husband thinks of it.   We share lots of giggles, clothes, tea, chocolate and books.   They both give me what I need, different but the same, and I hope I do the same for them.  

My brother calls me at least twice a week just to say hi and see how I am.   His most repeated quote in connection with me is "You smell like a donkey".   Enough said.

My nieces and nephews are a delightful bunch.  Ranging from 9 down to 2 they each have there own little quirks and interesting personalities.   One must always where socks to bed in cold or hot weather.  She won't sleep otherwise.   Another is desperate to reach puberty and any sign of hair on his body makes him rub his hands together and say "I think I'm hitting puuuuberrrtyyyy!"   Another still is a little melodramatic and spends most of his time harrumphing in a corner or steam rolling over his sister.   Yet another spends all her days changing into one fairy dress after another and making sure all the outfits she wears not only match in colour but also in the same tones of that colour, right down to socks and knickers.   

I have in-laws too which are all different form each other and I love them all.

I consider myself blessed with my very special family.

Did I offend you?

There are just some things that irk me more than others.  In this instance it's the misuse of words both in speech and the written form.  Be aware that I myself fall victim at one time or another (not with these particular issues but others) and berate myself for my weakness, however, I do my darnedest to avoid these trappings.   I'm really not sure if this is just something that happens in Australia, I think it may be, only because it flows from Australian slang.   

The following list makes me shudder, roll my eyes and sigh in disgust:

• you's instead of you all.  e.g., What are you's guys doing? or How are you's?
• should've been written as should of e.g. You should of seen it, instead of, You should have seen it.
• Calling people Shazza, Daz, Kaz instead of Sharon, Darren and Karen.  Therefore no children of mine will EVER be called these or similar names.   

I also cannot abide the use of these phrases:

• It is what it is
• At the end of the day ....

I do apologise if my comments offend you and suggest you try another blog. 

My animal friends

These are the animals that my stories are based on.  They each have their own personality and quirks 

which is what I love about them.

This is Rosie.  She cries when she wants you to give her a pat and will follow you around the farm.

This fellow here in the middle is Naughty.  Aptly named for his behaviour.   He pushes through the fence on a regular basis and has learnt how to unlock the gate and let himself into the yard to eat my father's plants and get to the bags of bread in the barn.  He is quite greedy when it comes to bread but is also happy to follow you around and let you scratch him.   He snorts at you when he sees you in the yard and answers to his name.   The little girl beside him on the left is Georgie who will only eat bread if you hand feed her.  You could drop a piece of bread right in front of her and she won't eat.  The little guy on the right is just unfortunate looking and has no name.

Things that I would like to say but I won't because that's just mean.

• What did you do to your hair?  UGH!  It looks like you let a rat chew the ends.  And the colour!  Did the rat wee on your head once it finished eating?  You paid HOW much for it?

• I've decided I'm not going to listen to you for several reasons.  

1. You bore me.
2. Your breath stinks and you stand far too close.
3. You're an idiot.
4. I'm not interested in discussing the trauma you went through during the birth of your children.

• You've been introduced to me as if I should know you.  I don't.  I can't even put a face to the name.   Is there a purpose to this meeting?  Do you have any clue why we have been introduced?   I don't like the look of you.  This conversation is over. 

• If you are trying to repulse me you are doing a great job.  

I realise that I appear to be quite a horrible person but please remember the title of this blog.    Rest assured though there could be more to add.

I have chosen a few more of my favourite photos from my travels.  One place in particular left me quite speechless.  I felt a real sense of coming home and was reluctant to leave the area.   These photos show Glencoe and surrounding areas in Scotland.    I was quite inspired and just wanted to sit somewhere in this beauty, bury my head in paper and write page after page of a novel that was forming in my mind while I was there.   I guess to sum it up in one word - while sounding terribly cliched- is BREATH-TAKING!  

Oh the places we go!

I went on a Mediterranean and European holiday for two months last year and among the many shots that were taken there were a few that stood out.   The photos are of local people and I think that's why I love these so much.  

The trendiest hobo in Paris. 

 Really enjoyed this guy's music in Cartagena, Spain.

She was enjoying an ice cream at 9:30 in the morning in Monte Carlo. 

This was in York, England.

Ah Correspondence!

Thought I would add random correspondence my sisters and I have written to each other in previous years.  They are quite entertaining and always bring a smile and a giggle.

Dearest Mother and Sisters,
I do hope this missive finds you all in good health.  It has been quite vexing to have you all together while I am so far away from your charming company.   I do loathe the absence of all your company and also any tidbits of information I may garner from you!   Perhaps we may all unite during the Easter festivities and luxuriate in many a cup of tea and joyful moment.  I must tell you that I find purchasing a mode of transportation most irksome.  The decisions and choices! Oh my! Large or small, roof top or no, black or green.  Most taxing indeed! I feel faint just writing to you regarding it.   I am so pleased that Father has agreed to alleviate some of the pressure during this time.    I must end here for my maid has come to dress me for the dinner hour.
With great love and affection,
Your sister Kirsten.

Step lively Madam!

I'm a firm believer that everyone has a walking song.  This is a tune that naturally fits the rhythm of your steps as you walk.  My problem is that I haven't worked out what this tune is yet.    Another One Bites The Dust by Queen pops up when I am out walking for exercise because I like to step lively but I haven't confirmed that as my definite walking song.   I think it may be Catalania by Bert Kaempfert but I will need to go for a walk to check that one again.    I take small steps so my song is a little faster than others may be. What I really need to do is take my iPod with me and go through my list.   What is your walking song?

Step 1.

I thought starting a blog would be easier than what it is.  Maybe I'm just stupid because I am really having difficulty getting this all to work.  Give me a week and I will be a pro but for now you will have to bare with me.  By the time I tell anyone I have a blog I will probably have gotten rid of this post (can I even do that?) and this will all be old hat. We'll see.   I must tell you that I have decided to do a blog because I want to tell all the world about all the things I think are wonderful, terrible and mediocre.

The frogs

You ever noticed the little frogs that hop across the road late at night?  Your high beams are on, it's a little wet and there hops one small froggy from one side of the road to the other.  You steer around it, hoping you are in sync with his hopping so that you don't squash him.    Where are they coming from?   I like to think they are on their way home from a friend's house.  They have just finished a rousing game of Pictionary and enjoyed a lovely supper of tea and scones - with jam and cream of course.  

There are a stack of frogs at our house.  They stick to the windows, sit in visitor's shoes and nestle into the door jam.  Unfortunately there are times when they don't move fast enough and end up a little thinner than they should...

I still haven't peeled him from the door jam.  I am hoping that he will serve as a reminder to all the other frogs that the door jam is not an ideal resting spot.